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 APB JOKE thread post-em up!

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Shades



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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Tue 08 Jul 2008, 4:16 pm

Blonde Joke



Homer walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat
down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news
was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large
building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Homer says,"You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a

swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Homer took the money.......
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Tue 08 Jul 2008, 7:26 pm

OMG that was the funniest so far...
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Wed 09 Jul 2008, 4:08 pm

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my
age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said 'Unbutton your shirt.'

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten
disability, too!!
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Wed 09 Jul 2008, 4:14 pm

biglaugh lol!

omg pitmamma!! that rocked!! oh my face hurts!!!
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 10 Jul 2008, 3:46 pm

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 90 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-70, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I'm too old for this,' and pulled over to await the
trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at
his watch and said, 'Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday.
If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go.'

The old gentleman paused. Then said, 'Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.'

'Have a good day, sir,' replied the trooper
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 10 Jul 2008, 3:48 pm

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all
of his money, and was a real 'miser' when it came
to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die,
I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket
with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with
me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her
heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money
into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife
was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was
sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and
just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket,
the wife said,

'Wait just a moment!'
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the
box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked
the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend
said,

'Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that
money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian; I
cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going
to put that money into the casket with him.'

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with
him!?!?!?'
'I sure did,' said the wife. 'I got it all
together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check....
If he can cash it, then he can spend it.
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 10 Jul 2008, 5:43 pm

Shades wrote:
heres one for the ladies and eric this maybe one that you want to show your g/f

I for one find this very insulting I cant believe some one could actually think this biglaugh



Subject: Men Are Like.......

Men are like .Laxatives ........ They irritate the
crap out of you.

Men are like ......... Bananas ........ The older
they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like . Weather ........ Nothing can be done
to change them.

Men are like ......... Blenders ........ You need
One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like . Chocolate Bars ....... Sweet, smooth,
& they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like . Commercials ....... You can't believe
a word they say.

Men are like . Department Stores ....... Their
clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like ......... Government Bonds ....... They
take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like . Mascara ........ They usually run at
the first sign of emotion.

Men are like Popcorn .. They satisfy you, but only
for a little while.

Men are like .. ... Snowstorms ....... You never
know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get
or how long it will last.

Men are like ......... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look
at, but not very bright.

Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the
good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped

She loved it but I for one find it very insulting..lmao..That was good..

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 10 Jul 2008, 5:45 pm

Mens Relationship Skills Summer Classes!
LMFAO>>>> rofl

Summer Classes for Men at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Friday, August 17th 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.


Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.


Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice.

GO WHILE SHE HOLDS IT FUN
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.


Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM


Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM


Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.


Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials..

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined


Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.


Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined


Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginnin! g at 7:00 PM.


Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the a above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
!
Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day!

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 10 Jul 2008, 5:51 pm

The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear the rules From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '

ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say
during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither
do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also
a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will
act
like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect

an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are
prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like

camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

_________________
http://garage-inc.forumotion.com/forum.htm
http://www.freewebs.com/americanpitbullforums/

"When I start breeding for color I'll sure call them Staffordsires because that's all they will be in a couple of generations". HOWARD HEINZL
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 10 Jul 2008, 6:29 pm

I really need these classes:

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.


Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials..

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing


How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.


How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Thanks Eric, for helping realize what a stereotypical man I've become! lol!





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"She's built like a steakhouse but handles like a bistro..."
-Zap Brannigan
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 11 Jul 2008, 7:40 pm

Admin wrote:
The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.

(I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear the rules From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '

ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.


1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving
it. That's what we do.

Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.


1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one
of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say
during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither
do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also
a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will
act
like nothing's wrong.

We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect

an answer you don't want to hear.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are
prepared to discuss such topics as Football
or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like

camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.


rule #1 is about the truth
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 11 Jul 2008, 7:42 pm

lol! @ Shades!!!!!

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 11 Jul 2008, 7:43 pm

Best Comeback Line Ever

In summary; the police arrested Ward Branham, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Lethbridge, Alberta, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday. Ward will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Calgary courthouse on Monday.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. 'You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around there for miles. At least I thought there wasn't,' he stated in a phone interview. Ward went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.'

'I guess I was just really into it, you know?' he commented, with evident embarrassment. In the process, Ward apparently failed to notice a police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brin Taylor approached him.


'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to (Ward) and he's...just working away at this pumpkin.' Taylor went on to describe what happened when SHE approached Ward. 'I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize what you are doing to that pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said . . . . . . .
















'A pumpkin? Damn . . . is it midnight already?'
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 11 Jul 2008, 7:51 pm

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the
door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. The CD player was playing
soft music,
and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Bill to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!" the mother-in- law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"Love dress? But you're naked!"

''Bill loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no
end....
Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes
romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her
best perfume,
dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, lay on the couch waiting for
her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw
her lying there
so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"


'HE NEVER HEARD THE SHOT'
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:18 pm

rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl

You're a riot B!!!

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Thu 17 Jul 2008, 9:37 pm

LMFAO, Your too much Shades...

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 18 Jul 2008, 4:04 pm

Pocket Taser Stun Gun

Try as hard as you can not to laugh...

> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
> his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
>
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
> sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I
> was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I
> came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects
> of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
> adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
> to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device
> and brought it home.
>
> I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and
> pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if
> I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the
> same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth
> between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot
> is on the face of her microwave.
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself
> that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently
> (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and
> thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &
> blood moving target.
>
> I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a
> second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But,
> if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
> against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
> advertised.
>
> Am I wrong?
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
> reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
> directions in one hand, and taser in another.
> The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
> disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle
> spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
> would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
> out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
> batteries.
>
> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long,
> less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with
> two itsy,
> bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked
> to one side as to say, 'don't do it dip****,' reasoning that a one
> second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all
> that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
>
> I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ...
>
> HOLY MOTHER TERESA. . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .
> WHAT THE HELL!!!
>
>
> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
> picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
> over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in
> the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both
> nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked
> under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
>
>
> The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging
> to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt
> to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
>
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser,
> one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
> when you zap yourself!
>
> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
> hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second
> burst would be considered conservative?
>
>
> SON-OF-A-*****, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative
> thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat
> up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the
> mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about
> 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh
> and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
> shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no
> control over the drooling. Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to
> know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke
> cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still
> looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their
> safe return!!
>
> P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
>
> 'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 18 Jul 2008, 4:18 pm

lmao! nice one marty !
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Fri 18 Jul 2008, 6:16 pm

LMAO..That was good...

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Mon 21 Jul 2008, 6:45 pm

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, "This is the dumbest kid in town... watch while I prove it to
you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the
other, then calls the boy over and asks. "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer is leaving, he sees the same young boy coming
out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question... why
did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied "Because the day I take the dollar,
the game's over!"
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Mon 21 Jul 2008, 6:48 pm

> 20 YEARS OF BEING MARRIED....

>

> A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her.

> She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the

> kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

> He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She

> watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

>

> "What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this

> time of night?"

> The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago

> when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

> "Yes, I do," she replies smiling.

> Sniffling a little bit he continues.. "Do you remember when your

> father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

> "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

> The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in

> my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to

> jail for 20 years?"

> "I remember that, too," she replies softly.

> He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten

> out today."
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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Mon 21 Jul 2008, 6:51 pm

LMFAO, heard it before, but never gets old, LMAO!!!

And that kid with the Barber was excellent as well.

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Mon 21 Jul 2008, 8:37 pm

OMG!!!! I'm over here in tears that was so friggin' funny!!!

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Mon 28 Jul 2008, 2:54 am

A koala is sitting up in a gum tree ... smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says, "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?" The koala says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"

The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"

So the koala looks down at him and says:

"Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!"

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PostSubject: Re: APB JOKE thread post-em up!   Mon 28 Jul 2008, 5:11 pm

Marijuana inside the firewood
"Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"



"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hiding' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hiding' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the Sheriff's! Deputie s descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"


"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"


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